k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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