dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize