Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
