I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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