im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
