I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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