I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
