just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
