Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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