She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are two peas in an std pod
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
