I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
