i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
