Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
