I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
