AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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