I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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