i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
