margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
