you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
