This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
