My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
