I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
