After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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