My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
