You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
