A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
