Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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