Dual....:-)
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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