4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
