Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
