its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
