So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
