She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize