Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
