You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
