i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
3 2 1 whiskey
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
