i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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