Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
