well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
