You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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