I'm drive I can fine osifer
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
