Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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