are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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