Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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