Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
