My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love having hate sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize