Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
