3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
