just tell him i said nine months
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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