The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
