I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
