I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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