As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
