i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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