my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
