i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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