She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize