So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
