I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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