My hand turned me down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
