I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
