I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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