I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
