I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
