He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
