Having a random hookup so left but love u
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
