Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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