i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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