If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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