So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
