I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
