Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
