i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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