I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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