If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
