I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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