She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
