remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
3pm strippers are depressing
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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