Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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