Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
