break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
