Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize