Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
