She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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