As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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