I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You may now shotgun with the bride
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
