You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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