I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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