I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
