I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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