I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
