his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
