Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
