You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
