I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
