Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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