Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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