I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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