I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
