i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
