getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
