if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
