i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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