put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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